Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I am going to give you the keys to my place

(1-561): View more from Florida

Then I'll give you the keys to my heart

(561): View more from Florida

Gag me

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(212): View more from New York

I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.

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(845): View more from New York

he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.

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(647): View more from Ontario

bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.

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(512): View more from Texas

We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.

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(815): View more from Illinois

It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life

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(949): View more from California

you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"

(949): View more from California

and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.

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