I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
