i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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