i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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