mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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