either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
