That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
