Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize