She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
