It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Someone came in the potted fern
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
