it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
