We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
