Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
