Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
