I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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