You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Everclear isn't food dammit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
