At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
