Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
