The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
