She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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