why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
