FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it glows. i had to have it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
