I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize