i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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