dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
