just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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