And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
