i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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