He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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