Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
