So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
