the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
