I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
