I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
