It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Rumble strips road head = magical
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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