i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
