Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
