just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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