haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
soo... how was my night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
