I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
