hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
