We named our party play list daddy issues
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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