i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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