I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
