We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
