I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the day after is always just damage control
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
