Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
