she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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