dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
