I wanna bring you to show and tell
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We are two peas in an std pod
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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