Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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