You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
