I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
