I am full of burrito and curiosity
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
