it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
