Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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