What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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