The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
