You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
