WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
