I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A+ Viking dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
