my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
