I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
