we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
