So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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