if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
