I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
