Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
