He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
