dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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