it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
