If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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