umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
