"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
