Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
