he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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