Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
