made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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