I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
