and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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