i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
