ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
