He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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