Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
