Yo dont text me then not text me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
