Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
