ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This toilet bowl is my home.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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