I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The Olympian is in my bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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