We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
