I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
