Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
