Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
