Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
