he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize