The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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