I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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