just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
