I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
